IAm on my third child and i am only 20 help!!!?

January 6th, 2009
  • I was on birth control when i got pregnant this time i am not financially stable enough for another child and i have no one to talk to! I have been thinking about adoption but don't know if i am strong enough to go through with it. But i do want a better life for my child than what i can give it. Is that wrong cause i decided to keep my other two children. Will my child hate me? Please don't judge me.


  • We can't know how a child might feel at being put up for adoption, but if you know you cannot afford to take care of another child then do what's best for you and the 2 kids you already have. Bringing another person into that situation will cause everyone to struggle more and do without (not just the last person/child coming in).

    You might also consider getting your tubes tied since your birth control methods thus far haven't served you well.


  • the best advice i can give to you is if you don't go to church you could find one lots of them have a support system for single women who need help with anything and also theres a few ways you can save money you can get wic and at lots of churches they have something called angel food where for 30 dollars you get a box of food for thirty dollars to feed a family of four for a week you can pay for it in food stamps too try and keep your child and maybe don't have sex until all you children are 5 it will be hard but maybe will get rid of some of your problems always remember god loves you and if you do find a church and people judge you there don't give up because if those people are judging you they aren't true christians and you should keep looking


  • Seriously consider adoption. My cousin couldn't have children and they found a child through adoption & they've given the child a life that the biological mother couldn't provide.

    If you love your baby, you should consider giving them to adoption for the child's best interest if you don't think you can provide for them.


  • Maybe you can do an open adoption? This means that you have the right to be a part of your childs life. I am so sorry. I know this cannot be easy. If you take the adoption road then definitely check into open adoption.


  • I think children that get adopted can grow up with a lot of issues and confusion about identity, but that doesn't mean your child will definitely hate you. Nobody can say for sure how that child will feel at 18. But I think what you need to ask yourself is, can you go through with giving up your child? some people can and some people can't, no body will judge you for it unless they are absolute a*holes. Look into adoption if you think it could work, you will always be given the chance to say no if you decide not to go through with it once you have had the baby, and if not the child can have a new set of parents pretty much straight away. But if you want my opinion, I think you should exhaust every possible option before going down the adoption route, you will love this child as much as the others and will want to see him or her grow up no matter what.


  • lots of people find themselves in your situation...i think that if you can't afford it and you feel that it is the best thing for you the kids that you already have and this new baby, then you should give the baby up. you can always have an open adoption so that you can still be apart of the child's life.

    Good luck


  • if you have no money for this child than dont have it. it would be worse for you to have a child in an unstable enviorment. i say you should 1) get a job that pays more 2) give your child to someone who has mony that will take care of youre child that wants children but cannot have any. they have families out there that are willing to let you still have contact with your child after birth and adoption. i do not think your child would hate you for doing the right thing :))) hope this helped


  • Girl.... DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR CHILD!! God kept you this long and he will continue to see you make it. Your children deserve you. It might not be all good right now but things will get better! Find a support group, go to your local social services for assistance and help. One day you will look back and thank God for all you been through and where he has taken you and your children. Your kids need you! So does the unborn. Please refrain from unprotected sex from now on focus on YOUR children. Go back to school. There is plenty of resources out there for single moms. You can do it if you TRY!! Many blessing goes out to you! Find those dad's and let the system make them responsible!!


  • I totally understand where you are coming from. I myself am pregnant and deeply thought about giving her up for adoption. My boyfriend and I were SO unstable and moving around from place to place. He ended up cheating on me and we were in a huge mess. Luckily, I prayed and prayed that if it was meant to be with everything things would work themselves out. We talked things over and decided to get back together, we have our own cute little place that is cheap, he has an amazing job now doing what he loves to do that makes great money, and we are finally happy. My advice to you is to make a list of all of the pros and cons to keeping the baby and the pros and cons of giving it up. It is such a hard decision, but since you have been through it two times already it might not be as hard. I know whatever you decide will be the best choice; just make sure it is what you want to do.

    Good luck! :)


  • My husband and I have been hoping to adopt for the past two years. A lot of girls do change their minds. I don't think there is any gaurantee that you will be able to do it. I think adoption is a wonderful thing of course if not I wouldn't be trying to adopt myself. I honestly don't think she will hate you. I think it is very important for you and the adoptive family to be completely honest with the baby. I think children that get upset about adoption are the ones that the parents try to hide things or lie to them. If you go with adoption I think you should make sure the parents are gonna be honest with the child. There is also different types of adoptions. Like when we adopt I plan to stay in contact with the mom and send pictures. This might also be something you might be interested in. So you might want to check that out. If you need someone to talk to you are more than welcome to write. Good luck.

    Michelle


  • your situation is similiar to one i have been a part of:
    my sister is adopted. her mother went through the same thing you are going through. she was 19 or 20 when she became pregnant with my sister. she already had kids also. she then went to my mom for help. we ended up, obviously, adopting my sister. it was not easy for her birth mother. but me and my family consider ourselves blessed to have her. b4 we got my sister i was my mothers only child and she had tried for years to concieve. so that might be something you want to think about. my sister also see's her birth mother (and her biological siblings) about twice a year. we told her from the very begining that she was specail and that she was never in her mommy's tummy- she was in someone elses tummy.

    but be sure b4 you make a desicion. it is a very big decision. and it is not one that you should make on a whim. i think adoption is a great thing. but i don't think it is something for everyone. for instance, i had my first child when i was 16. i got pregnant at 15. then i had my second at 18. and although it has been extremely hard and there are still alot of things that i am unable to give my children, it was what was best for me. and god has taken care of me and my family. what i am trying to say is that if you decide to keep your baby, god can and will take care of you. he will not leave you or your children to starve to death. and 'stuff' is not whats important in a childs life. its love.

    i pray that god lead you in your decision. be blessed in jesus name.
    feel free to email me if you need to talk- i would be glad to listen and help in anyway that i can. =D








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