Advice on lying.........?
You need to demonstrate this to her. Whenever she says anything she could possibly lie about, make a big deal about how you're not sure you can believe her because she's telling lies. Then give her a chance to redo the situation.
Punishments aren't going to work because they're not teaching her WHY she shouldn't lie. The why is important.
Don't spank her. That's just giving her more reasons to lie to avoid the punishment.
Sometimes I think that the purpose of children is to bring up any emotional issues that we haven't resolved with our parents or siblings. For most of us patience compassion and unconditional love are the hardest lessons to learn. Don't be hard on yourself though, the most important thing for us to learn aren't taught in schools. We'd be better off if we had thorough pre marriage & pre parenting training beforehand.
It's helpful to look at why she is lying. Children who feel unjustly restricted, unloved, afraid of consequences or neglected are much more prone to lying.
Here are some solutions that have worked:
The solution that that most parents tend to resist is usually the most effective and that is to resolve your own frustration and other emotions about her behaviour. If we try to discipline children when we are in a state of anger or frustration our best efforts usually have the reverse effect. The easiest way to achieve this is with the assistance a good NLP or EFT practitioner. You may get good self help if you search for EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT is relatively easy to DIY.
Give your daughter undivided attention when she's not lying. Often lying and other "misbehaviour's" are the child's way of expressing feelings of not being valued. Listen to what she wants, find ways to say YES as much as possible. "Within reason of course"
Teach her to have fun playing outdoors or by herself as well. (This one could be a whole book in itself) Many of today's children have been brought up by the TV or computer. TV and online ads are designed to create emotional dependence on external gratification and entertainment. These children often end up with an insatiable desire for more.
Hope this helps
Russell
my sons "lies" are the huge blown up story that never happend type. he comes up with these stories all the time. he also everyonce in a while tells me his homework is done, or he cleaned his room, or did something i told him to.
what i have been doing is getting him to differentiate between a story and a downright lie. and letting him know that he will be punished for one, but not the other. and so far it seems to be working. when he tells me a lie or a big story, i ask him what it is and give him the choice to come clean right then and there. "ok. is this a neat story? or are you fibbing? he has the choice to tell me the truth then and there. if i have asked a direct question, and he has lied, and i go check , with him in tow, and he has lied, he goes to his room, and no tv or games. he can read or color for the designated time. and so far, he has come clean and said sorry, and told the truth before he has had to be punished. i also give him a chance to tell me these huge stories. like in the car i will ask him to tell me a story about something. that gives him an outlet i guess so that he can use his imagination.
i made this method up and talked to his teacher-she actually thinks its great. and so far, for me it has worked.
i seen your additions-i agree with you, do not ignore it, it will only get worse and probably more blown out of proportion. as far as spanking, i am a spanker when the behavior calls for it, but with lying, i think it should be a little more severe and longer time for punishment. spanking is over too quick, and what do you do, say "go play" afterwards??
have you tried taking items away, or revoking priveledges yet? i know that she is 8.5 , but there are things that my son feels he cannot live without, lol! i even did a reverese phsycology on him a few times. i would tell him what he was missing out on. " i was going to take you to the park, or mcdonalds or whatever, but i don't think that you deserve a reward, because you lied again today, or yesterday or whatever the case may be. there are always underlying things that kids do. i found out my son was lying about homework because he was struggling. so once we established that i could help him more if he told me, it didn't happen again. when she lies about something she said you or her father said that she could do, do you let her do it? you are doing everything right, esp[ecially calling her on it. if she says she didn't get into something of yours, and she obviously did, i would make her correct it and ground her to her bedroom.start takings things away for 2-3 days at a time and make her earn them back. -ignoring or a quick spank on the butt and you are done, won't work with this, i have tried it.good luck, again!
When I caught her in a lie she got a spanking, soap in her mouth for 30 seconds and she had to write "I will not lie to mommy because trust is important and I want mommy to trust me" 100 times. I also made a big deal about how I could not trust her anymore and for about two weeks I questioned everything she said!
Since then she has not lied to me once!! She will be 8 next month!! She has had opportunities to lie but she knows what will happen if she does so she just tells the truth!!
